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Jun. 18th, 2002 05:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
garoteYou know what I liked the most about ex2? She always knew exactly how to act in a romantic moment. If we were talking about something important, and I took her hand and looked at her, she would look right back, and be right there with me. We both knew how to discard the entire world around us for that intent, direct link.
She wouldn't suddenly tense up, out of some nervous aversion to intimacy. She would never look away. She wouldn't be too busy smoking a goddamn cigarette to accept my hand. She would never be drunk and unable to concentrate. I think it was because, underneath all the laughter and the hugs and the warmth, we took our relationship very seriously.
And always, always, ALWAYS, if we asked what was on the other person's mind, they would tell us.
As far as I'm concerned, the phrase "I don't want to talk about it" is slow poison to a relationship. Over a thousand ICQ messages, countless emails, postcards, and written letters, and millions of spoken words, ex2 and I never said "I don't want to talk about it" a single time.
Please, people ... stop using that phrase. Whenever you're tempted to, discard it, and instead plunge forward into whatever it is you want to avoid. Because when you bring that out of yourself with words, and communicate it to someone else, you change it's shape within yourself ever so slightly.
She wouldn't suddenly tense up, out of some nervous aversion to intimacy. She would never look away. She wouldn't be too busy smoking a goddamn cigarette to accept my hand. She would never be drunk and unable to concentrate. I think it was because, underneath all the laughter and the hugs and the warmth, we took our relationship very seriously.
And always, always, ALWAYS, if we asked what was on the other person's mind, they would tell us.
As far as I'm concerned, the phrase "I don't want to talk about it" is slow poison to a relationship. Over a thousand ICQ messages, countless emails, postcards, and written letters, and millions of spoken words, ex2 and I never said "I don't want to talk about it" a single time.
Please, people ... stop using that phrase. Whenever you're tempted to, discard it, and instead plunge forward into whatever it is you want to avoid. Because when you bring that out of yourself with words, and communicate it to someone else, you change it's shape within yourself ever so slightly.
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Date: 2002-06-19 11:58 am (UTC)First and primarily, I agree with every point you made about smoking. I have the same reaction to smokers. Luckily, none of my friends smoke, but an antire half of my family does. Sympathy and empathy.
Second, you are the only other person I've met who refers to exes in a similar fashion to myself. While you use superscripts, I use subscripts. That is, my mother's husbands are "husband1" through "husband4". (Pronounced "husband sub four".) Almost everyone looks at me like I'm nuts when I say it, but once it is explained to them a few even start using it. Kindred.
no subject
Date: 2002-06-19 02:15 pm (UTC)Awesome. :)