Eek!

[garote]

So Syntrillium is hiring. They're based in Arizona. I could drive to their office and demand to see the head engineer, and present him with a stack of scrawly papers outlining my ideas for a new type of sound editing program. I could insist that they hire me, at a low wage probably, to recode CoolEdit Pro with this functionality. Just because I need this software to exist. I could move there and rent a shitty apartment and live on bread and jam while doing this.

I could also buy some passable property in Sacramento and become a workaholic for a few years.

I could stay right here and be a workaholic with a higher-than-average wage, and suffer in almost every other regard.

I could loan my car to my sister, so she doesn't have to drive her SUV, and I could loan my computer to a friend. Join the Peace Corps. Join a New Zealand nature conservatory. Discard my status as an engineer.

I could sit up all night worrying that I'm not good enough for my own future, or that I'm too good for it.

I could repeat to myself that I will survive in any case, that it ultimately doesn't matter, that the important thing is to keep a clear head.

I could have tea.

I should get back to work...

Comments

[talaitha.livejournal.com]

I vote for tea...seems as though it's the choice with the least bit of over-hauling consequences.

eep

[garote]

tea it is! :)

Re: eep

[talaitha.livejournal.com]

but what flavour?
decisions, decisions...

Re: eep

[ex-zv898.livejournal.com]

he should have some green+mint. oh yes.

[beatings.livejournal.com]

Syntrillium: Make sure you set up an interview first!!!! Oh jesus!! I'd hate to see you drive out to arid zona only to be furiously disappointed because they won't see you on such unexpected notice.

My two cents. Then again, I gave a urine sample at a temp agency today, don't listen to me... While there, I brainstormed a new manifesto: for the first time in history, art and culture are no longer the domain of the upper class alone, and this has created a tidal wave of talented young bastards who are stuck in crappy jobs. Maybe it's true.

It sounds like you're ready to escape the agony of SoCal and do something else. I can't decide for you (although I can help you weigh options, but then again, look where I ended up! Nightmarish hellscape et al) so ... much luck!

[ex-zeugma416.livejournal.com]

You're right, regarding art and culture, at least about how those who were formerly excluded from the world of culture are now defining its direction. But it's more than culture politics. I think there is an economic reason behind all these people who are suddenly able to develop their talents. There is just barely enough wealth in the society to create just barely enough leisure (read: free time + psychological privacy) for obscure individuals to just barely pursue their creativity, but this margin is big enough that, although it's a struggle for almost everyone, it's really not that bad, and almost everybody finds a way to deal with it.

In the past, artists could take many routes. They could be privileged to begin with. They could be poor and exceptionally talented and exceptionally devoted (which is why people from the 'lower classes' were always enriching art). They could find a patron, which is what visual art did right up to the mid-nineteenth/early twentieth century, when they made the wholesale switch to galleries selling directly to collectors. This kind of approach had begun in the theater and spread to the rest of art by the nineteenth century -- i.e., artists found a 'public' who supported their work (still the modern model).

Now we're looking at a totally different world. For one thing, there are too many artists and too many consumers, and the media are too vast and too easily accessed, for a monolithic culture to exist. Who in the world is ever heard above this clamor, unless they've been hand-picked by some media giant?

The key to surviving, and feeling good about your own work, is to forget about being heard by a vast audience. We don't need to go into idiotic rationalizations about this, either (i.e., anybody who speaks to a vast audience is a sell-out, the work gets diluted to appeal to so many people, etc.) because although these things are somewhat true, they are beside the point. The point is not the size of your audience, or your name-recognition in the media, but whether you actually get across to other human beings, and whether you do it in a satisfying way.

Art (as you and I conceive it) is fundamentally communication with one</> other human being, who is absorbing and evaluating the experience you offer them.

If I write a poem, and never see it published outside of my circle, that might be disappointing in one way (especially since I would have used all the art I could summon to write it). But if I have read it to a few people, and the experience was enjoyed and understood, if it incited half a dozen people to think and feel, then I can only think of the poem as a successful work of art with a small audience.

In a world where there are so many voices, we must learn to be content with these small victories. Probably we will never know any other kind.

eep

[garote]

Well said. You roX0r my cl0Xor.

eep

[garote]

Syntrillium: Yeah, that was more of an idle fantasy I had while driving between work and home. Since then, you've developed filterchrist. Now write me an advanced 3D-positional reverb module. I'm gonna code a front end for the sucker, I think.

Nightmarish hellscape Aaaaaaaaaaahhhgg!

[zeroheretic.livejournal.com]

I hear that chicks dig guys who did the Peace Corps. thing.

My least favorite option is staying where you are just for the money. Fuck that. I can see that choice being viable if one had mouths to feed, but I'm assuming you don't.

Re: :

[garote]

Correct. The only mouths I have to feed are the one on my face and the one in my pants. The one in my pants isn't happy down here anyway. >:)