Eek!

[garote]

So Syntrillium is hiring. They're based in Arizona. I could drive to their office and demand to see the head engineer, and present him with a stack of scrawly papers outlining my ideas for a new type of sound editing program. I could insist that they hire me, at a low wage probably, to recode CoolEdit Pro with this functionality. Just because I need this software to exist. I could move there and rent a shitty apartment and live on bread and jam while doing this.

I could also buy some passable property in Sacramento and become a workaholic for a few years.

I could stay right here and be a workaholic with a higher-than-average wage, and suffer in almost every other regard.

I could loan my car to my sister, so she doesn't have to drive her SUV, and I could loan my computer to a friend. Join the Peace Corps. Join a New Zealand nature conservatory. Discard my status as an engineer.

I could sit up all night worrying that I'm not good enough for my own future, or that I'm too good for it.

I could repeat to myself that I will survive in any case, that it ultimately doesn't matter, that the important thing is to keep a clear head.

I could have tea.

I should get back to work...