Advice about being deceived in romance
Oct. 3rd, 2002 01:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
garoteSo I had a chat with my Pop, and he managed to knock some sense into me. The conversation is worth preserving. It's times like this I'm very glad he's around. I wish more of you could meet him.
It's tough to be rejected after putting all your eggs in one basket. However, no one woman is worth breaking up your mind over. You MUST relax and move on. Though your pride, ego or whatever is smashed, please realize that there are thousands of women out there. You are lucky that her real nature came out now.
But what was her real nature? I feel completely confused, by the things she said and then the thing she did. I could deal with this a whole lot better, I think, if I didn't feel like the worlds biggest chump.
Why should you be down on yourself? You were doing what you thought was the right thing. Straight-arrow. You are a good man and you must remember that.
Good man... I feel like she wanted "A Real Man", and I'm left holding the bag, since I'm obviously something else. I really don't understand how arrogance (her word), can be an attractive trait.
You cannot let the literary ramblings of some well-read broad convince you that you are anything less than a good man.
She has been watching too many soap operas.
"I'm attracted to his jealousy." she wrote.
... The jealousy I felt when I saw that picture! I tell you!! Arrrgh
I've been trying to sleep, and I can't, and it's very disruptive.
Your ego is keeping you awake.
She probably left the photo where you could find it to inflate her own ego.
I drove to her house and we talked. I was utterly incensed, but I managed to get an explanation and the truth out of her, calmly.
The explanation is not even worth listening to. Her ramblings indicate she is throwing out words with little meaning.
Yeah. Probably so, in the face of such incredibly contradictory actions.
She may have done this to her friend in New York to "get him back."
No, they've never dated before. They've WANTED to, but were engaged to other people the whole time.
Do you believe that?
Now she apparently feels that this is her "big chance" to grab the guy she's "really" been wanting all this time.
Yep, soap opera. Wish her good luck and move on!!!!!
I can see how her rash, intense mind would leap on it.
Screw her rash, intense mind. How would you like to be saddled to a mind that works like that, keeping you afraid of what's coming?
*sigh*
It's certainly not your fault. You mustn't look at each new person with a microscope to see if she is "the one."
Oh hell no, I learned the futility of that long before this, thank goodness.
Remember, you are a good man and you will run into a woman who has no hidden agenda who wants one of those.
My primary worry remains: how the heck do I find the people I like, amongst all these others?!
Relax. You don't have to "find" anyone. Just let things happen. I know that's tough for a young buck, but it's easier on your blood pressure.
Yes well, you know how it is, there are certain things I want, so I make various plans to make those things happen.
So? Everyone has certain things he/she wants. I had a list once. My list was altered. I made mistakes. I survived. So will you.
You can't analyze a person, or situation, so don't think about it. Relax and see how it goes. If you think about it you get too involved early and usually turn up wrong, as you just did.
But that's what she did! She went to New York, she "saw how it went", it went well, and now she's flinging everything aside to chase that down!
Is that wrong? Would it be better to stay with you and regret it, thereby making your life hell?
I do not want to hurt people she same way she hurt me.
So don't promise anything or expect anything until you are very sure.
And in the meantime, the person I'm patiently 'being with' gets dazzled by an 'arrogant' man and hits the road before I know what's going on.
You'll have to excuse me, I'm feeling rather bitter at this point.
You are speaking from your ego again.
You're right, it's better that she left to explore this other man, since she really wanted to, and would have obviously regretted it if she hadn't.
And I would have been happy with this, working out even as it has, if she had given me an honest clue about what was going to happen.
Instead it came down like a ton of bricks, and THAT is what I don't want to do to other people. If "act now, think later" results in that kind of trauma behind me, I can't possibly do it.
You wouldn't have done what she did. Be happy with yourself, for that, and move on.
I'm going to bed now. Talk to you later.
Thanks for the chat.
No prob. I'm honored that you would listen to me, the old man.
Your advice has proven very useful. So has the brain and the coordination I inherited from you. I can program, and sing, and dance, and chop wood.
The confidence that has brought -- knowing that I'm versatile enough to do damned anything -- is quite a gift.
Anyhoo, sleep well.
It's tough to be rejected after putting all your eggs in one basket. However, no one woman is worth breaking up your mind over. You MUST relax and move on. Though your pride, ego or whatever is smashed, please realize that there are thousands of women out there. You are lucky that her real nature came out now.
But what was her real nature? I feel completely confused, by the things she said and then the thing she did. I could deal with this a whole lot better, I think, if I didn't feel like the worlds biggest chump.
Why should you be down on yourself? You were doing what you thought was the right thing. Straight-arrow. You are a good man and you must remember that.
Good man... I feel like she wanted "A Real Man", and I'm left holding the bag, since I'm obviously something else. I really don't understand how arrogance (her word), can be an attractive trait.
You cannot let the literary ramblings of some well-read broad convince you that you are anything less than a good man.
She has been watching too many soap operas.
"I'm attracted to his jealousy." she wrote.
... The jealousy I felt when I saw that picture! I tell you!! Arrrgh
I've been trying to sleep, and I can't, and it's very disruptive.
Your ego is keeping you awake.
She probably left the photo where you could find it to inflate her own ego.
I drove to her house and we talked. I was utterly incensed, but I managed to get an explanation and the truth out of her, calmly.
The explanation is not even worth listening to. Her ramblings indicate she is throwing out words with little meaning.
Yeah. Probably so, in the face of such incredibly contradictory actions.
She may have done this to her friend in New York to "get him back."
No, they've never dated before. They've WANTED to, but were engaged to other people the whole time.
Do you believe that?
Now she apparently feels that this is her "big chance" to grab the guy she's "really" been wanting all this time.
Yep, soap opera. Wish her good luck and move on!!!!!
I can see how her rash, intense mind would leap on it.
Screw her rash, intense mind. How would you like to be saddled to a mind that works like that, keeping you afraid of what's coming?
*sigh*
It's certainly not your fault. You mustn't look at each new person with a microscope to see if she is "the one."
Oh hell no, I learned the futility of that long before this, thank goodness.
Remember, you are a good man and you will run into a woman who has no hidden agenda who wants one of those.
My primary worry remains: how the heck do I find the people I like, amongst all these others?!
Relax. You don't have to "find" anyone. Just let things happen. I know that's tough for a young buck, but it's easier on your blood pressure.
Yes well, you know how it is, there are certain things I want, so I make various plans to make those things happen.
So? Everyone has certain things he/she wants. I had a list once. My list was altered. I made mistakes. I survived. So will you.
You can't analyze a person, or situation, so don't think about it. Relax and see how it goes. If you think about it you get too involved early and usually turn up wrong, as you just did.
But that's what she did! She went to New York, she "saw how it went", it went well, and now she's flinging everything aside to chase that down!
Is that wrong? Would it be better to stay with you and regret it, thereby making your life hell?
I do not want to hurt people she same way she hurt me.
So don't promise anything or expect anything until you are very sure.
And in the meantime, the person I'm patiently 'being with' gets dazzled by an 'arrogant' man and hits the road before I know what's going on.
You'll have to excuse me, I'm feeling rather bitter at this point.
You are speaking from your ego again.
You're right, it's better that she left to explore this other man, since she really wanted to, and would have obviously regretted it if she hadn't.
And I would have been happy with this, working out even as it has, if she had given me an honest clue about what was going to happen.
Instead it came down like a ton of bricks, and THAT is what I don't want to do to other people. If "act now, think later" results in that kind of trauma behind me, I can't possibly do it.
You wouldn't have done what she did. Be happy with yourself, for that, and move on.
I'm going to bed now. Talk to you later.
Thanks for the chat.
No prob. I'm honored that you would listen to me, the old man.
Your advice has proven very useful. So has the brain and the coordination I inherited from you. I can program, and sing, and dance, and chop wood.
The confidence that has brought -- knowing that I'm versatile enough to do damned anything -- is quite a gift.
Anyhoo, sleep well.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-10-03 02:22 am (UTC)But I'm convinced this "attraction to jealousy" is an outright, blatant lie and deception.
Most people I come in contact with are much more attracted to indifference.
Jealousy is a TOOL in most cases. A tool used to make sure someone's dirty work is done FOR them, so they never have to be the bad guy or girl.
no subject
Date: 2002-10-04 08:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-10-03 10:10 am (UTC)Shit like this hurts - it's demoralizing, dehumanizing, and makes you feel like it's something you did wrong. While I don't know all the details, it sounds like everything bad/wrong/sucky that happened was because of things she did and decisions she made. Not you.
The fault is not on you for wanting/having a relationship, or doing anything wrong, you picked someone who happened to have issues and did something not at all nice. But you learned, and you should try your best to put it all in the past. That's easier said than done, but it's what needs to be done, and what you'll do.