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garoteThis day is rapidly wearing on. I still need to sleep and buy groceries, before the final scenic stretch of my drive.
However, while there is still DSL available, I'd like to say a few words about sluts.
Humans like sex. They like it so much that they spend a lot of the day whacking themselves off, physically or mentally or both. They look at sex, they think about it, they scrutinize it.
Since humans find this scrutiny so pleasurable, they work very hard to integrate it with their daily lives. They form opinions, they join contests, they set arbitrary standards. Some people employ it as a weapon or a commodity, other people use it as an expression of happiness, or an invigorating sport.
Given that the world is full of people who employ sex in any or all of these ways, I propose the following, based on my own experience:
There are no sluts. There are only people who call people sluts.
People who bandy around the term "slut" always use it in a derogatory, and competitive manner. They've built a fence in their minds, from their experiences and upbringing, and they place themselves on one side of it, and "sluts" on the other side. A "slut" is, of course, anyone who uses sex in a way that they don't understand, or can't cope with.
Over my varied dating experience I haven't met a single "slut". I once slept with a girl I'd just met ten hours before. I dated another girl for five months before I even kissed her -- we constantly held hands, and had many very intimate conversations before then, of course, but refrained from kissing because we felt like taking our time. I've also had a range of experiences between those two, at different points in my life, with very different people. I still don't know any "sluts".
I have, however, known a half-dozen people, most of them girls, who called people "sluts".
One was referring to her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend, who apparently "put out to anyone" because she had caught her ex's eye so fast. Her definition of "slut" was narrowed exclusively to intercourse. A few months before, I watched her perform a slow strip-tease and lap-dance for an aquaintance at his birthday party, while eight other people stood around cheering. Pot, kettle, black?
One called herself a slut, and claimed she hated being one. This just after boasting to me, in so many words, "I just want cock. An endless stream of it. I wore out my last boyfriend. I wanted his cock all the time, and he couldn't keep up."
I met someone online, once, who told me that she couldn't stand "sluts", because they threw around sex like it didn't mean anything. Her judge of meaning was temporal: Sex couldn't possibly mean anything if it happened in less than, say, a month. This same girl had phone sex with me, after only a few hours of live conversation. Later when I asked why she'd done that, her reply was: "Sometimes I just like to get off." Still, she explained, she wasn't a "slut", because no actual physical intercourse had taken place.
I knew a girl back north who claimed her housemate was a complete "slut", because she knew his history ... he had slept with at least two dozen girls in the time he was at college. This guy was a friend of mine, actually. A very affectionate, romantic, high-energy, and charming man, whose attention span was short and whose passion ran very high. He didn't sleep with two dozen girls by paying them or coercing them, after all. He charmed them into bed. For his last three quarters he settled down with one woman, an insatiable girl who was as charming and playful as he was. From what I heard, many people called this guy a "slut". Some to his face. No one who ever slept with him did.
"Slut". A puerile, self-aggrandizing word, thrown about by people with a fence in their brains, to feed their desire for approval and righteousness.
There are no sluts. Just opportunists ;)
Bless you, A
However, while there is still DSL available, I'd like to say a few words about sluts.
Humans like sex. They like it so much that they spend a lot of the day whacking themselves off, physically or mentally or both. They look at sex, they think about it, they scrutinize it.
Since humans find this scrutiny so pleasurable, they work very hard to integrate it with their daily lives. They form opinions, they join contests, they set arbitrary standards. Some people employ it as a weapon or a commodity, other people use it as an expression of happiness, or an invigorating sport.
Given that the world is full of people who employ sex in any or all of these ways, I propose the following, based on my own experience:
There are no sluts. There are only people who call people sluts.
People who bandy around the term "slut" always use it in a derogatory, and competitive manner. They've built a fence in their minds, from their experiences and upbringing, and they place themselves on one side of it, and "sluts" on the other side. A "slut" is, of course, anyone who uses sex in a way that they don't understand, or can't cope with.
Over my varied dating experience I haven't met a single "slut". I once slept with a girl I'd just met ten hours before. I dated another girl for five months before I even kissed her -- we constantly held hands, and had many very intimate conversations before then, of course, but refrained from kissing because we felt like taking our time. I've also had a range of experiences between those two, at different points in my life, with very different people. I still don't know any "sluts".
I have, however, known a half-dozen people, most of them girls, who called people "sluts".
One was referring to her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend, who apparently "put out to anyone" because she had caught her ex's eye so fast. Her definition of "slut" was narrowed exclusively to intercourse. A few months before, I watched her perform a slow strip-tease and lap-dance for an aquaintance at his birthday party, while eight other people stood around cheering. Pot, kettle, black?
One called herself a slut, and claimed she hated being one. This just after boasting to me, in so many words, "I just want cock. An endless stream of it. I wore out my last boyfriend. I wanted his cock all the time, and he couldn't keep up."
I met someone online, once, who told me that she couldn't stand "sluts", because they threw around sex like it didn't mean anything. Her judge of meaning was temporal: Sex couldn't possibly mean anything if it happened in less than, say, a month. This same girl had phone sex with me, after only a few hours of live conversation. Later when I asked why she'd done that, her reply was: "Sometimes I just like to get off." Still, she explained, she wasn't a "slut", because no actual physical intercourse had taken place.
I knew a girl back north who claimed her housemate was a complete "slut", because she knew his history ... he had slept with at least two dozen girls in the time he was at college. This guy was a friend of mine, actually. A very affectionate, romantic, high-energy, and charming man, whose attention span was short and whose passion ran very high. He didn't sleep with two dozen girls by paying them or coercing them, after all. He charmed them into bed. For his last three quarters he settled down with one woman, an insatiable girl who was as charming and playful as he was. From what I heard, many people called this guy a "slut". Some to his face. No one who ever slept with him did.
"Slut". A puerile, self-aggrandizing word, thrown about by people with a fence in their brains, to feed their desire for approval and righteousness.
There are no sluts. Just opportunists ;)
Bless you, A
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no subject
Date: 2002-08-18 03:40 pm (UTC)In my old LJ I had posted an entry and a poll about this exact topic. It was no surprise that a majority of the people negatively viewed those with a high number of partners.
What did shock me was that 97% of the people believe it is ok to ask for details [down to the exact number of partners] of the sex lives of their partners. Um, no thanks. As long as my lover is physically healthy [disease free] and practices safe sex, that is my only concern. Being intimate with someone who has had 100 lovers is one thing but actually THINKING [worrying] about each of those 100 is something else entirely.
no subject
Date: 2002-08-23 12:49 am (UTC)Perhaps I can read your journal some day?
I head over to it, but nothing appears... :(
no subject
Date: 2002-08-23 06:04 am (UTC)