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garoteDo you think you have ESP at all?
No. Eight hundred million years of animals evolving, and they've collectively evolved some amazing ways of sensing and communicating, many of which we are not equipped with. (Check out the platypus!) But, apparently, that's not good enough for believers in "ESP" ... They want communication or prediction by some means that is utterly undetectable by any instrument. Have you examined the psychological underpinnings of that "want?" Perhaps you just want to experience mystery! Try this: Go snorkeling around a reef. HOOOLY MOLY look at those things!!
Do you believe in karma?
No. Karma is more than "what goes around comes around", it's the belief that we are paying for the misdeeds (or enjoying a reward for the good work) of a previous life. I can't buy into that. That would mean that when innocent people die early, they deserved it, and that the wealthy and powerful became so by a kind of divine right.
Could Evolution and Intelligent Design both be right?
No. We used to believe God made plants grow. Knowing it's photosynthesis, is progress. Intelligent Design only exists as a "theory" (note the lack of testable hypotheses) because some religious folk wanted a god-of-the-gaps style backstop to protect God. Its only purpose is in saying "Let's do science all the way down to point X, and then stop, because that's God's territory." That's anti-progress.
Do you believe in the power of prayer?
I believe in the power of the placebo effect. But that's not the sorting operation that this question is designed to perform, now, is it! No; God is not going to close your wounds faster. While you being present and giving soothing words to the injured might help a little, God doesn't need to be involved in that.
Is disappearing (one party ceasing all further contact without explanation) is an acceptable way to terminate a romantic relationship?
I know the various reasons why people choose to do it. Fear of confrontation is the main one. If your SO is an abusive stalker and you fear for your safety you might choose to go that route. (Or that route might make things way worse.) But, in the general case? No; I think it's appallingly disrespectful as well as cowardly, and I've never done it. Though I have had it done to me.
Are some religions more correct than others?
The measure of any law is how well it respects humans as the agents of morality. (My own phrase, from about 20 years ago.) Ergo: A religion that ceremoniously cuts off the clitoris of every newborn girl, is LESS correct than a religion that DOESN'T do that.
Is a soulmate worth waiting for?
What kind of waiting for? Like "sitting on your hands at home doing nothing?" Or like "rejecting a bunch of people you really like because someone you like even more is potentially out there?" Sounds like a recipe for regret either way. To me, the big problem with the idea of a "soulmate" is, it's a really convenient excuse to ignore, fail to truly see, or pointlessly dump, an endless procession of perfectly cromulent people. (Perhaps out of a subconscious preference for being single that you'd rather not admit.) For thousands of years, people in villages of a few hundred managed to fall madly in love with someone close at hand. You now have access to millions of people. If it's hard to meet someone you adore, well ... Get out more! Or: Make space in your life or heart for them to exist!
Abortion, politics, the death penalty. A difference of opinion over which of these topics would most likely make you think twice about dating someone?
Badly formed question. Politics encompasses both abortion and the death penalty, but if you choose it you are deliberately leaving the two out. Makes no sense. And yes ... I don't think I'd want to date someone who believed in criminalizing the difficult choices made by other anonymous women out of some belief that they needed "consequences" to discourage their "loose sexual behavior" or whatever. Honestly it's a fool's errand. Pacific Islanders used to give themselves miscarriages by laying beneath huge hot stones. Safe? No. All they could find? Yes. Sex ed, birth control, and safe abortion are companions, not enemies.
Would you consider yourself a feminist?
Yes. I have a career in the computing industry. I need to have a grasp of feminist politics just to push against the subtle hostility that women encounter here. I'd also rather be with someone who says "yes" to this question because it's a litmus test about what they define "feminist" as.
Do you tend toward resolving conflicts through confrontation or avoidance?
Often the best approach is a mixture of these. Sometimes you need to avoid a head-on confrontation until you dig around a little and uncover more context or facts, or do some emotional sorting. Sometimes that can be done together, during the so-called "confrontation." But avoiding the confrontation entirely is a losing strategy. I am not a shouter or a ranter. That said, over the years I've become remarkably tempered by exposure to people who ARE shouters and ranters by nature, and learned to work with them. I don't fear or resent them, as long as they are, at core, kind people who seek resolution.
Do you usually pamper the person who you are with?
I've met some people who seem repulsed by the idea of being taken care of, even when they are really sick, or struggling, or emotionally wrung-out. I haven't worked well with those people. I like to - want to - care, and receive care, when things are tough. But even though I do this, I can't say I "usually" do this, because that implies that I pamper someone even when they don't need it. So; pampering? No. But: Bring you a latte and a biscuit from the bakery every morning, and read you a little bit of poetry every night? That's how I roll.
Have you stayed friends with most of your ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends?
I've parted from almost all of my exes as friends, though we've naturally drifted away over time. The exceptions were the people who did not know how to mend: The few who were abusive, or savagely cut off communication. I am always willing to talk. In sketchy moments I will defer talking only as long as absolutely necessary, to cool emotions or avoid danger, but finding resolution with a partner has always had very high priority for me and always will.
How important is a potential match's sense of humor to you?
Very. Sarcasm is alright, but I'm not big on it. Too much can corrode genuine emotion. Make a stoopid pun or roll with me on some improv, though, and we'll have a great time. Silly accents a major plus!
Do you find arrogance to be attractive?
Oh my, no. When I detect arrogance I instantly think “insecurity”, and then start deducting EQ points. (Also I suspect that people who are attracted to arrogance struggle with their own insecurity in some related dimension...)
Imagine that a first date picks you up in a car. The car is old and run-down, but otherwise clean. How would the car affect your opinion of your date?
It's all about the driver. I’ve known millionaires who are wonderful people, but drove screwed up old clunkers because their priorities were elsewhere. And I’ve known aspiring-middle-class dickheads that I wouldn’t acknowledge on the street, who drove Teslas and BMWs and the like.
Have you ever had a true one-night stand? (You met someone, had sex that night, and never contacted each other again.)
Close: I was 21. It was kind of sad; we met at a small party with mutual friends, talked for hours, went back to her place and had sex, then talked some more. I went home. We hung out again a week later; just talking. She cried and said she missed her family back in Michigan. I heard a month later that she moved back to Michigan. Never saw her again.
Do you find intelligence sexier than looks?
A person who doesn't seem visually striking to me can start up a conversation and - if they're intelligent - become sexy as hell to me in half an hour of talking. A person who is visually striking to me can start a conversation with me, and if it's clear they don't have much going on upstairs, they stop being visually striking in a matter of minutes.
Do you find that extremely intelligent people are intimidating?
I enjoy intelligence. When I feel intimidated it's generally because the person has some kind of social or concrete power over me and is acting aloof. I tend to steer away from people like that.
Is it okay for you to be irrational in making important life decisions?
Well, I live around here, don't I? Har har! But seriously, we may think we're highly rational people, but some of the basic, fundamental decisions about how we live can turn out to be completely emotional.
Do you believe morality is universal, or relative?
Universal to all living things would be way too paradoxical. (Bacteria don't care who they infect. Cats must murder to survive.) Universal to all peoples would give zero room to explain all the cultural differences we see around us. (In some places, sex before marriage is an affront, in other places it's de-rigueur. Some cultures eat dogs, some find that horrifying.) I would never say it's entirely relative, especially from an anthropological standpoint. But there is enough wiggle room that it's clearly not universal.
If after having a nice chat with someone on a dating website, they seem to be ignoring you completely the next day. What is your reaction?
I'd assume they're busy and leave them alone. Online dating can be very ambiguous. That said, if you're suddenly being ignored after receiving lots of attention it's usually one of three things: 1. That person is dating multiple people at once and distracted, 2. That person is not particularly interested in dating you, 3. That person is not into dating generally right now and their romantic life is in a holding pattern while they attend to other things. Wait a few days and hope for outcome #3. Whatever you do, don't get upset.
Do you believe that it is possible to experience romantic love for more than one person at a time without loving one less because of your love for the other?
Not exactly. You can feel separate love for two people at once, yes. You won't love either person less. But what you will have less of, is time, attention, and energy, to put towards maintaining each of those relationships. And as you parcel those things out, you will need to rationalize those decisions to those people. Insecurity and jealousy will lurk in the corners of your emotional life and you will need to spend additional time managing them. Personally I found that lifestyle to be more hassle than it was worth.
Should burning your country's flag be illegal?
Burning this country's flag should be part of a yearly ceremony, where we carry it aloft down the street as it burns, to demonstrate that our freedoms are legitimate and real and this flag is a symbol of precisely that.
Do you think the government has the right to regulate the ownership and use of weapons?
The government regulates the ownership and use of certain kinds of FERTILIZER. (And this is for good reasons, as these kinds can be used to make very powerful explosives.) Of course, most people who read this - and probably the original author of the question - will think about guns. But if keeping track of who buys fertilizer and how they use it is a good idea, the same is obviously so of firearms.
When in charge of others, how do you tend to be? Firm and demanding, or helpful and understanding?
I most enjoy leading through consensus building. That doesn't mean just asking what everyone wants and being a go-between, that means hammering out a synthesis of the best ideas by making dialogues happen in the right order and way, which involves a surprising amount of guidance. (I've done this for years at my job.)
Is a tongue stud a turn-on?
In college I knew a girl who would clack it incessantly against the inside of her upper teeth. She thought it was fun and clever. All I could think was, "what happens when you eat crackers?" So, no.
Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
This question bothers me. Some people who read it will think "Oh this is a stealth question about God or karma!" Others will think "This is about physics!" And others will think "This is about having a learning attitude in the face of hardship!" Well fine, here's your answer: No, I do not think everything happens for a reason. But faced with this I think people often choose some post-hoc reason that makes them feel at peace, or like they've learned something, and then move on.
Are you totally anti-war?
Terry Prachett had some really amusing dialogue about this in one of his books. Something like, "I ask you, Nobby. War: What is it good for?"
"I dunno, Sarge. Freeing slaves? Deposing tyrants?"
"That's right; absolutely noth-- what??"”
No. Eight hundred million years of animals evolving, and they've collectively evolved some amazing ways of sensing and communicating, many of which we are not equipped with. (Check out the platypus!) But, apparently, that's not good enough for believers in "ESP" ... They want communication or prediction by some means that is utterly undetectable by any instrument. Have you examined the psychological underpinnings of that "want?" Perhaps you just want to experience mystery! Try this: Go snorkeling around a reef. HOOOLY MOLY look at those things!!
Do you believe in karma?
No. Karma is more than "what goes around comes around", it's the belief that we are paying for the misdeeds (or enjoying a reward for the good work) of a previous life. I can't buy into that. That would mean that when innocent people die early, they deserved it, and that the wealthy and powerful became so by a kind of divine right.
Could Evolution and Intelligent Design both be right?
No. We used to believe God made plants grow. Knowing it's photosynthesis, is progress. Intelligent Design only exists as a "theory" (note the lack of testable hypotheses) because some religious folk wanted a god-of-the-gaps style backstop to protect God. Its only purpose is in saying "Let's do science all the way down to point X, and then stop, because that's God's territory." That's anti-progress.
Do you believe in the power of prayer?
I believe in the power of the placebo effect. But that's not the sorting operation that this question is designed to perform, now, is it! No; God is not going to close your wounds faster. While you being present and giving soothing words to the injured might help a little, God doesn't need to be involved in that.
Is disappearing (one party ceasing all further contact without explanation) is an acceptable way to terminate a romantic relationship?
I know the various reasons why people choose to do it. Fear of confrontation is the main one. If your SO is an abusive stalker and you fear for your safety you might choose to go that route. (Or that route might make things way worse.) But, in the general case? No; I think it's appallingly disrespectful as well as cowardly, and I've never done it. Though I have had it done to me.
Are some religions more correct than others?
The measure of any law is how well it respects humans as the agents of morality. (My own phrase, from about 20 years ago.) Ergo: A religion that ceremoniously cuts off the clitoris of every newborn girl, is LESS correct than a religion that DOESN'T do that.
Is a soulmate worth waiting for?
What kind of waiting for? Like "sitting on your hands at home doing nothing?" Or like "rejecting a bunch of people you really like because someone you like even more is potentially out there?" Sounds like a recipe for regret either way. To me, the big problem with the idea of a "soulmate" is, it's a really convenient excuse to ignore, fail to truly see, or pointlessly dump, an endless procession of perfectly cromulent people. (Perhaps out of a subconscious preference for being single that you'd rather not admit.) For thousands of years, people in villages of a few hundred managed to fall madly in love with someone close at hand. You now have access to millions of people. If it's hard to meet someone you adore, well ... Get out more! Or: Make space in your life or heart for them to exist!
Abortion, politics, the death penalty. A difference of opinion over which of these topics would most likely make you think twice about dating someone?
Badly formed question. Politics encompasses both abortion and the death penalty, but if you choose it you are deliberately leaving the two out. Makes no sense. And yes ... I don't think I'd want to date someone who believed in criminalizing the difficult choices made by other anonymous women out of some belief that they needed "consequences" to discourage their "loose sexual behavior" or whatever. Honestly it's a fool's errand. Pacific Islanders used to give themselves miscarriages by laying beneath huge hot stones. Safe? No. All they could find? Yes. Sex ed, birth control, and safe abortion are companions, not enemies.
Would you consider yourself a feminist?
Yes. I have a career in the computing industry. I need to have a grasp of feminist politics just to push against the subtle hostility that women encounter here. I'd also rather be with someone who says "yes" to this question because it's a litmus test about what they define "feminist" as.
Do you tend toward resolving conflicts through confrontation or avoidance?
Often the best approach is a mixture of these. Sometimes you need to avoid a head-on confrontation until you dig around a little and uncover more context or facts, or do some emotional sorting. Sometimes that can be done together, during the so-called "confrontation." But avoiding the confrontation entirely is a losing strategy. I am not a shouter or a ranter. That said, over the years I've become remarkably tempered by exposure to people who ARE shouters and ranters by nature, and learned to work with them. I don't fear or resent them, as long as they are, at core, kind people who seek resolution.
Do you usually pamper the person who you are with?
I've met some people who seem repulsed by the idea of being taken care of, even when they are really sick, or struggling, or emotionally wrung-out. I haven't worked well with those people. I like to - want to - care, and receive care, when things are tough. But even though I do this, I can't say I "usually" do this, because that implies that I pamper someone even when they don't need it. So; pampering? No. But: Bring you a latte and a biscuit from the bakery every morning, and read you a little bit of poetry every night? That's how I roll.
Have you stayed friends with most of your ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends?
I've parted from almost all of my exes as friends, though we've naturally drifted away over time. The exceptions were the people who did not know how to mend: The few who were abusive, or savagely cut off communication. I am always willing to talk. In sketchy moments I will defer talking only as long as absolutely necessary, to cool emotions or avoid danger, but finding resolution with a partner has always had very high priority for me and always will.
How important is a potential match's sense of humor to you?
Very. Sarcasm is alright, but I'm not big on it. Too much can corrode genuine emotion. Make a stoopid pun or roll with me on some improv, though, and we'll have a great time. Silly accents a major plus!
Do you find arrogance to be attractive?
Oh my, no. When I detect arrogance I instantly think “insecurity”, and then start deducting EQ points. (Also I suspect that people who are attracted to arrogance struggle with their own insecurity in some related dimension...)
Imagine that a first date picks you up in a car. The car is old and run-down, but otherwise clean. How would the car affect your opinion of your date?
It's all about the driver. I’ve known millionaires who are wonderful people, but drove screwed up old clunkers because their priorities were elsewhere. And I’ve known aspiring-middle-class dickheads that I wouldn’t acknowledge on the street, who drove Teslas and BMWs and the like.
Have you ever had a true one-night stand? (You met someone, had sex that night, and never contacted each other again.)
Close: I was 21. It was kind of sad; we met at a small party with mutual friends, talked for hours, went back to her place and had sex, then talked some more. I went home. We hung out again a week later; just talking. She cried and said she missed her family back in Michigan. I heard a month later that she moved back to Michigan. Never saw her again.
Do you find intelligence sexier than looks?
A person who doesn't seem visually striking to me can start up a conversation and - if they're intelligent - become sexy as hell to me in half an hour of talking. A person who is visually striking to me can start a conversation with me, and if it's clear they don't have much going on upstairs, they stop being visually striking in a matter of minutes.
Do you find that extremely intelligent people are intimidating?
I enjoy intelligence. When I feel intimidated it's generally because the person has some kind of social or concrete power over me and is acting aloof. I tend to steer away from people like that.
Is it okay for you to be irrational in making important life decisions?
Well, I live around here, don't I? Har har! But seriously, we may think we're highly rational people, but some of the basic, fundamental decisions about how we live can turn out to be completely emotional.
Do you believe morality is universal, or relative?
Universal to all living things would be way too paradoxical. (Bacteria don't care who they infect. Cats must murder to survive.) Universal to all peoples would give zero room to explain all the cultural differences we see around us. (In some places, sex before marriage is an affront, in other places it's de-rigueur. Some cultures eat dogs, some find that horrifying.) I would never say it's entirely relative, especially from an anthropological standpoint. But there is enough wiggle room that it's clearly not universal.
If after having a nice chat with someone on a dating website, they seem to be ignoring you completely the next day. What is your reaction?
I'd assume they're busy and leave them alone. Online dating can be very ambiguous. That said, if you're suddenly being ignored after receiving lots of attention it's usually one of three things: 1. That person is dating multiple people at once and distracted, 2. That person is not particularly interested in dating you, 3. That person is not into dating generally right now and their romantic life is in a holding pattern while they attend to other things. Wait a few days and hope for outcome #3. Whatever you do, don't get upset.
Do you believe that it is possible to experience romantic love for more than one person at a time without loving one less because of your love for the other?
Not exactly. You can feel separate love for two people at once, yes. You won't love either person less. But what you will have less of, is time, attention, and energy, to put towards maintaining each of those relationships. And as you parcel those things out, you will need to rationalize those decisions to those people. Insecurity and jealousy will lurk in the corners of your emotional life and you will need to spend additional time managing them. Personally I found that lifestyle to be more hassle than it was worth.
Should burning your country's flag be illegal?
Burning this country's flag should be part of a yearly ceremony, where we carry it aloft down the street as it burns, to demonstrate that our freedoms are legitimate and real and this flag is a symbol of precisely that.
Do you think the government has the right to regulate the ownership and use of weapons?
The government regulates the ownership and use of certain kinds of FERTILIZER. (And this is for good reasons, as these kinds can be used to make very powerful explosives.) Of course, most people who read this - and probably the original author of the question - will think about guns. But if keeping track of who buys fertilizer and how they use it is a good idea, the same is obviously so of firearms.
When in charge of others, how do you tend to be? Firm and demanding, or helpful and understanding?
I most enjoy leading through consensus building. That doesn't mean just asking what everyone wants and being a go-between, that means hammering out a synthesis of the best ideas by making dialogues happen in the right order and way, which involves a surprising amount of guidance. (I've done this for years at my job.)
Is a tongue stud a turn-on?
In college I knew a girl who would clack it incessantly against the inside of her upper teeth. She thought it was fun and clever. All I could think was, "what happens when you eat crackers?" So, no.
Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
This question bothers me. Some people who read it will think "Oh this is a stealth question about God or karma!" Others will think "This is about physics!" And others will think "This is about having a learning attitude in the face of hardship!" Well fine, here's your answer: No, I do not think everything happens for a reason. But faced with this I think people often choose some post-hoc reason that makes them feel at peace, or like they've learned something, and then move on.
Are you totally anti-war?
Terry Prachett had some really amusing dialogue about this in one of his books. Something like, "I ask you, Nobby. War: What is it good for?"
"I dunno, Sarge. Freeing slaves? Deposing tyrants?"
"That's right; absolutely noth-- what??"”
no subject
Date: 2021-08-18 12:13 am (UTC)Last night in Breath of the Wild, I traveled all the way to the top of a mountain I had never visited before. There was a lake there in the shape of a heart with a jagged line going through it, and another character. I approached the character and opened a dialogue, and he said, “Hey! So are you waiting for your soulmate too?” Very amusing. I could discern no other reason for that character to be there, & no associated side quest, so I guess it’s just a little joke for those who find that particular mountaintop!
no subject
Date: 2021-08-18 12:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-18 12:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-18 12:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-18 12:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-18 12:39 am (UTC)