Life Advice From 1980's Computer Magazines

[garote]

30 years ago I saw this advice in the computing magazine that was delivered to our house each month:



I was already familiar with the game, and I knew it was right: When you're playing Moebius: The Orb of Celestial Harmony and you enter a fortress, the guards are easier to fight hand-to-hand.

I was intrigued by the counterintuitive feel of the advice. If you have a long sharp sword, and you're good with it, wouldn't that always be the best choice? Then I imagined trying to swing a sword in a narrow hallway. Perhaps something more intimate, and easier to control, was right after all.

For years after I read that silly, unremarkable sentence in that gaming magazine, it bubbled up randomly in different situations. I generalized the idea: When you enter a confined space, don't waste effort trying to keep everything at arm's length -- especially people. Switch to something more intimate even if it's less powerful. The trick is recognizing when you need to switch modes.

Recently I got ahold of a bunch of ancient issues of a defunct magazine called Family Computing, and fed them into a sheet-fed automatic scanner. Flicking through the pages, I found more pieces of worthy life advice. May it guide you own your journeys!



















Very important to know when you're a young person at a party, or when some jerk decides to pick on you!

Comments

[juan_gandhi]

See, in the fortresses the tower stairs are intentionally rotating (if you go up) counterclockwise, so that a sword works if you are on a higher stair.

[garote]

Gotta watch out for those left-handed folks...

[zeugma92]

I had a dream last night and the only thing I wrote down from it was this: “I gotta say, levitating sure looks a lot easier than climbing.” Seems like similar life advice. Earlier in the night I also dreamed there was an 80s sitcom called “Milo Lies When He’s Hungry”.

[garote]

Back at UCSC my friend Milo would sometimes start derailing conversations by talking about really kinky sex, and then a short while later would confess to being ravenously hungry and start agitating for a group trip to Denny's or some other late night restaurant. "Do you get hungry when you're horny, or do you get horny when you're hungry?" I asked him once. He paused and said, "Yes."

[garote]

That title keeps pinging back into my head. It’s just too catchy! Someone needs to write a 5-minute screenplay of an episode.
And Milo needs at least one catchphrase he can unload.

[zeugma92]

My dream-brain has been on fire with catchy phrases lately. Last night I woke up from a dream and wrote into my phone only this:

"There was a brand of Irish tea called Muck Buckle's Famouse Teas"

[garote]

Oi! Barkeep! Muck Buckle fer me an double the muck! Oive got a lot o papers to correct tanight!

[tcpip]

I recognise Defender of the Crown there.

[garote]

Good ol' DOTC... I never played it, but I was always jealous of how amazing the graphics looked...