Jacky The Bull And "Friends"

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 Jacky the BULL and “Friends”.

Another twisted story, once again written by Skot & edited by G’rote, september 9th, 1994

 

Things rotted. Oh boy, but they did. We smelled them from miiiiiiiiiles away.

Jacky the bull stood in a pile of shit. He put it there, but he’d forgotten. In fact, he didn’t even realize he was standing in it. nevertheless, he was quite shocked.

There was a dead rose by his feet.

          He’d killed it.

It had wilted at the stench of rotting material. 

Beside him there sat a large pile of said rotting material. It didn’t smell good next to said pile of shit. although said bull stood in said shit next to said rot, he didn’t notice anything but said flower, which was dead, as said.

Jacky the bull looked up into the sky, eyes wide, shocked at the sudden behaivior of said dead rose. There was a big cloud there.

It was a pretty cloud, a green cloud. Jacky the bull might have found this strange, and might even have attributed it to said rotting material, but since said bull was color-blind, as most animals are, he only thought the cloud was darker than most. He thought it might mean rain.

What Jacky didn’t know, was that said cloud had come from NEW YORK CITY. (get a rope!) Said city was not green, but said city’s said clouds were.

So was said city’s salsa.

Jacky the bull stepped nimbly out of said shit. Said shit, like said cloud, was said color of green. Birds flew overhead, but not for long. The cloud was low to the ground. The birds flew through it. The birds died.

And just when Jacky was getting over the rose!

Seven dead birds hit the ground around Jacky, all at once. They made pleasant plopping noises. One fell in said shit and one fell in said rot. Said birds made splashes. Said splashes were as pleasant as said plopping noises.

Jacky was not amused. One became impaled on his left horn.

         Jacky  was a sensitive bull, you see. He did not notice the dead bird on his horn, because he was far too busy noticing the dead birds in front of him. He looked as shocked as he did when we first met him, standing in his own shit, next to a pile of rot.

But, since Jacky was a simple bull, most things affected him the same way, as we will soon see. He walked to the fence.

Down the street outside the fence, a boy and a girl were skipping along the sidewalk.  They were singing “MOO-MOO-MOO!!!!!”

They did not know Jacky the bull was in the vicinity. They skipped in front of Jacky, and MOoed. Jacky was shocked to see a cow that did not look like a cow. His face assumed the same shocked appearance. He was also suddenly standing in shit.

Very simple creature, Jacky. 

The children saw Jacky drop his jaw and his excrement all at once. The boy giggled. The girl giggled. 

Jacky was very  shocked. He had never seen cows such as these. He had never heard cows making such noises. 

It never did occur to Jacky that these were not cows. Had anyone told him, I’m sure they would have stood in front of him. 

He would be sure to be shocked.

“Look at the funny bull,” said the girl.

“Said bull is funny, “ said the boy, making fun of the narrator and the bull all at once. He amused himself and laughed.

“Said bull shit his pants,” said said girl.

“Said bull is not wearing said pants,” giggled the boy, and they both rolled around on the ground, laughing insanely.

The narrator was not finding said laughing very amusing.

Jacky was shocked. But he liked these cows. He even found himself strangely attracted to them. Jacky was turned on. In fact, Jacky was so turned on that he shocked himself.

* plop *

The children giggled again. Jacky was ready now. Ohh, boy, was he ready. He was ready. He was so ready, he 

* plop *

Shocked himself. His mouth hung open. He looked down. He realized he was standing in shit. He shocked himself.

* plop *

And then he tried to move on the children, but they were laughing so hysterically, that they didn’t notice.  Jacky was knee-deep anyway.

The children eventually had had enough of “shitting bull”, and enough of said laughing, so they skipped on down the road. 

Needless to say, Jacky was shocked. And alone. Oh well.

 

And here, we leave Jacky for a moment, trying to escape excrementation.

Mohandas “buber” Miller and Dorothy “hiene” de Burger were skipping down the street. It was apparent, since Buber was behind Heine, that Buber liked Heine’s heine. 

Dorothy found Buber highly disgusting. That’s why she skipped in front. She did not want to look at Buber. 

Mohandas “buber” Miller was a 60-year old pedophile in the body of an eight year old. His real name was not Mohandas. His real name was “Buber”.  When he was in a 60-year old body, his nickname was “Mohandas”. He thought he would switch the two and eliminate any possibilty of  suspicion.

Needless to say, Buber Miller was not a very intelligent man. Or boy. Whatever.

Dorothy still found him disgusting. 

You may have guessed by now, that Dorothy was not just any nine year old girl. Unbeknownst to Buber, (or, “Mohandas”, as Dorothy knew him), Dorothy was a centuries-old  agent of the one being some called Satan, some called Devil, and others called The Most Exalted Master Of All Evil In The Universe.

Everyone who knew this evil master, though, called her Sally. She made really, really, really good cookies. They were so good, that even people who didn’t give a pile of bull’s shit about their health felt guilty after one bite.

As they say, there’s cookies, and then, there’s cookies.

Another thing. Everybody who knew her thought she was a really nice lady in her thirties who liked trading. She was a little eccentric, but hey. She was a good neighbor.

Nobody knew that she was an entity millions of years old who had seen the sun set on the dinosaurs. Nobody knew that she was responsible for all the death, wars, famine, poverty, discomfort, and taxes in all of history.

Oh, the paperwork, the paperwork.

Dorothy had only been around for a little while, compared to her master, Sally.  Approximately 1/100,000,000 the amount of time. But that was okay.

She was brought into a physical form by her master to be used. She was assigned to a little boy named Mohandas Miller. She thought that she was just going to take this boy to her master to be used for something or another. She had no idea that the boy was barely keeping himself from raping an “innocent girl”. Such is fate.

They arrived at the house. It sat in a residential neighborhood. The trim was pink. The walls were pink. The windows were tinted pink.

Dorothy knocked on the door. Sally answered it a minute later. The house inside looked very nice, clean, well kept.

“Oh, it’s you,” said Sally.

The interior of the house fuzzed back into bloody confusion and dying animals appeared everywhere.

“Come on in,” Sally invited. “I see that you’ve brought Mohandas.”

“Yes, I have, uh,” Dorothy looked back at Mohandas, “Aunt Sally.”

She didn’t know that Sally had, uh, “helped Buber out”, as they say, in exchange for a cool book.

“Well,” said Sally, “I’m afraid that it’s time for me to uphold my end of the deal with Buber, here.”

“What do you mean, Sally?”

“Oh, you’ll see, you’ll see. Just do whatever Bub- I mean, Mohandas here says. Behind that door, I mean” Sally pointed.

 

(large section deleted) (or left to imagination)

 

Dorothy was still shaking. that was disgusting. She disintegrated Buber. It only took two hours.

 

“Well,” said Sally, “I’m afraid that I’m going to have to send you to a place far far away.”

“W-w-w-w-w-why?” Dorothy stammered.

“You’ve been bad. Disintgrating Mohandas was not the right thing to do.”

“I’m sorry, but-”

“NO buts! I’ll send for you when you’re needed, young demon!”

And with a wave of Sally’s wand, Dorothy disappeared.

 

It was a sunny day. Dorothy looked around, and found that everything was in black and white. She turned her  head. She was a cow!

“Damn!” said Dorothy.

* plop *

Dorothy spun.

“What’s your name?” Dorothy asked the shocked bull standing behind her.

“Jacky,” said the bull.

All of a sudden, Dorothy remembered.

“Holy shit,” she rolled her eyes.

* plop *

 

 

The End