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garoteOkay, so, I took a long shower, and I think I figured out why that voice is nagging me.
It's because, the past three times I've been in or come close to a relationship, I've put everything into it and essentially waited for my intimacy, my sexual desire, or my interest, to be reflected. Each time it was a different thing that was missing. Each time, it was never returned, or returned in bare starved flashes that only strung my hopes along, until I was exhausted.
The thought that I may be making the same mistake, over and over, sets my teeth grinding in my head. I assumed I had just as much patience as ever. I fear I may be wrong. And I fear it will compel me to react in unfair or peremptory ways.
Other people's caution is justified, given the world at large. I understand that perfectly. But is this impatience ever justified? And what would it take to restore my patience? What communication or experience?
Man, it's late. Enough of this. Bedtime.
It's because, the past three times I've been in or come close to a relationship, I've put everything into it and essentially waited for my intimacy, my sexual desire, or my interest, to be reflected. Each time it was a different thing that was missing. Each time, it was never returned, or returned in bare starved flashes that only strung my hopes along, until I was exhausted.
The thought that I may be making the same mistake, over and over, sets my teeth grinding in my head. I assumed I had just as much patience as ever. I fear I may be wrong. And I fear it will compel me to react in unfair or peremptory ways.
Other people's caution is justified, given the world at large. I understand that perfectly. But is this impatience ever justified? And what would it take to restore my patience? What communication or experience?
Man, it's late. Enough of this. Bedtime.
