ook ook ook ook ook ook
Apr. 8th, 2002 06:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
garoteI think the trouble with me is, I keep offering help and understanding to strangers who don't explicitly ask for it.
I mean, if I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say, or read a post where someone wrote, "Damn, I'm feeling terrible", or "I really wish I had someone to talk to", or even "I really wish I had a hug", I would be filthy rich. But I'm not rich, I'm just a bleeding-heart. I ask questions, I try and give supportive advice, I offer to talk, or to contribute, sometimes even to go somewhere. ... What the hell good am I doing? It seems that most of these people are just generally, perpetually, unhappy, and occasionally they attempt to attract someone they can take it out on. And I paint a big target on my shirt.
People around me are starting to take on a very disturbing shape. I'm starting to see patterns in their behavior, in their motivations. It'll happen in small doses. I'll be standing in line at a supermarket, and I'll be looking at someone, and instead of seeing a person, all of a sudden a few simple concepts will rearrange in my head, and I'll be looking at a trained gorilla. I'll see a dim, loutish, hairy animal, standing upright with decorative fabrics and bangles pasted onto itself, it's mind nearly transparent with a few tangled ideas whirling around madly. Find food. Push the levers for money. Attract a mate. Produce offspring. Mark territory. Clean off the feces. My ears open up and the words stop making sense. All around me, all I hear is an endless dull roar of "Ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook", and I sense doom approaching, fast and inescapable. A suffocating death in the soiled remains of a devastated ecosystem. A last flailing scream in rash panic, and my mouth chokes with hot gorilla fur, and I am pressed down into acrid yellow mud, an inch at a time, beneath a writhing, terrified, clawing, defacating, fucking, masturbating, vomiting mountain of gorillas, hollering "OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK".
It's kind of a problematic vision. BECAUSE I AM A TRAINED GORILLA.
I mean, if I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say, or read a post where someone wrote, "Damn, I'm feeling terrible", or "I really wish I had someone to talk to", or even "I really wish I had a hug", I would be filthy rich. But I'm not rich, I'm just a bleeding-heart. I ask questions, I try and give supportive advice, I offer to talk, or to contribute, sometimes even to go somewhere. ... What the hell good am I doing? It seems that most of these people are just generally, perpetually, unhappy, and occasionally they attempt to attract someone they can take it out on. And I paint a big target on my shirt.People around me are starting to take on a very disturbing shape. I'm starting to see patterns in their behavior, in their motivations. It'll happen in small doses. I'll be standing in line at a supermarket, and I'll be looking at someone, and instead of seeing a person, all of a sudden a few simple concepts will rearrange in my head, and I'll be looking at a trained gorilla. I'll see a dim, loutish, hairy animal, standing upright with decorative fabrics and bangles pasted onto itself, it's mind nearly transparent with a few tangled ideas whirling around madly. Find food. Push the levers for money. Attract a mate. Produce offspring. Mark territory. Clean off the feces. My ears open up and the words stop making sense. All around me, all I hear is an endless dull roar of "Ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook ook", and I sense doom approaching, fast and inescapable. A suffocating death in the soiled remains of a devastated ecosystem. A last flailing scream in rash panic, and my mouth chokes with hot gorilla fur, and I am pressed down into acrid yellow mud, an inch at a time, beneath a writhing, terrified, clawing, defacating, fucking, masturbating, vomiting mountain of gorillas, hollering "OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK".
It's kind of a problematic vision. BECAUSE I AM A TRAINED GORILLA.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
tossing feces about
"The proper study of Dog is Wolf. The proper study of Man is Ape."
Okay, that might not be an exact quote, but it does contain my point. You complain of being stuck in a world of apes. You travel about again and again looking for something (you'll know it when you see it.) Yet this "ape" nature is a part of us. We, like all other creatures, perform the daily struggle to assure that we (and our family/loved ones) posess shelter, safety, love, food. We squabble for territory and status. Yes, perhaps we are not so far above the "lesser animals" as we think of them after all, the basic requirements of life apply to us all.
The more loathing and disgust you develop for your fellow apes, the more you will develop for the ape-roots within you. The assumed goal is for the whole to be greater than the sum of the parts, and (IMHO) in order to achieve that, you must pry out, examine, and accept those parts for their reality, strengths and weaknesses. Those around you who are less evolved are just that; less evolved. They're on a different path than you, certainly. Given time and opportunity, they might yet surpass you. But just like you, they're striving to live the best and most appropriate life they can. We (humanity) have so rapidly gone from small tribes into a global "pack" that we haven't yet had time to evolve our mental and social culture to adapt to the world we live in. What you see around you are the pangs of the global human-ape tribe attempting to cope with something so big we can't even mentally grasp it securely.
Fearing and loathing the ape necessitates fearing and loathing the self. Better, I think, to understand the ape and its place in our collective psyche. Then we can focus on that which is beyond the ape, without the yoke of fear and pessimism holding us tight to our ape-roots. Thus spake the bonobo within.
Re: .
Date: 2002-04-08 07:06 pm (UTC)Yet, I find it very hard to shake this existential dread. Economic tactics that work for the global population are reversed for the individual. An ape who hoards resources and pumps out children will gain ground in his/her tiny local arena. I don't think there is ANY WAY to make them stop taking the path of maximized local advantage. And overrunning all of creation in the process.
For example, our entire modern system of ethics is based on the core belief that it is immoral and inhuman to make the minority "take one for the team" for the profit of the majority. Yet this is exactly the conduct that we, as a whole, must exercise. The apes just won't do it.
Re: .
Date: 2002-04-10 02:52 am (UTC)..and then i start thinking about social darwinism and/or something like chocolate and then i get a headache
Re: .
Date: 2002-04-10 05:16 am (UTC)Heh.
Someone needs to come up with a kind of anti-reproduction retrovirus, and "accidentally" spill it all over the planet. That seems to me the only approach, from an ethics perspective, that has a chance of happening.
Re: .
Date: 2002-04-10 06:42 am (UTC)Re: .
Date: 2002-05-04 07:27 am (UTC)