Small doses

[garote]

There is a lot of pressure, and there are significant expectations, in online dating. That has some unfortunate consequences:

People will represent themselves with misleading photos - years out of date. (When we met in person I was disturbed by the difference. I made the effort to have a good time anyway, and was awarded with a second invitation, which I had to politely decline, explaining why.)

People who are very good essayists given plenty of time at home turn out to be awful conversationalists in person.

The flood of responses compels a person to overbook and overextend themselves. Sensible people who would otherwise date only one person at a time, and with due hesitation, will instead start flipping through people like a card catalog, getting a bit drunk on the tension and the variety.

The same person can have a dull evening trading disinterested banter over loud music one week, and then have a warm, giddy exchange next week that sets the stage perfectly for an exciting relationship, and the only difference will be the MOOD of the subject. And, sadly, online dating IS NOT GOOD for one's mood.

Because of this I've discovered that the best way to find people who still have some sense of enthusiasm or sanity about them on the site, is to pay the most attention to people who have only recently signed up.

My standards are high, my time is valuable, but being the nice guy via online dating is exhausting.

I need to take it in small doses, with the filters turned up high and the expectations dialed down low.

Comments

[ecliptic.livejournal.com]

Throw your table scraps my way, good sir!

The picture thing is quite disheartening though, it happens to me often.

[aquestrian.livejournal.com]

Or meet people in person.

[garote]

That too, yes. No substitute for good old fashioned legwork. :)

My problem is, my job keeps me enclosed away from other people for eleven hours a day. With the remaining five hours I need to shop, clean, cook, bathe, and run errands. That leaves the weekends as the only time I get to spend decompressing by myself.

I'm beginning to think that I need to change my career, and change it soon.

[lutin.livejournal.com]

They seriously expect 11 hrs/day from you?
My uncle has worked 14 hour long days for as long as I can remember (he's head of a team at a software company) and takes it as "normal" when everyone else in the family balks.

[garote]

Your uncle needs a vacation!! Or twenty!!!

shameless request

[lutin.livejournal.com]

Buy** me a laptop before you leave!


**And by 'buy' I mean, let me give you many monies, scritches & cakes, etc.

[justbeast.livejournal.com]

This is fascinating. I was just wondering the other day, what the world of online dating is like, emotionally.

[garote]

I could certainly post more about it. My perspective is that of a 34-year-old male computer geek in a big city on the west coast ... so hopefully that perspective suits your needs. :D

[justbeast.livejournal.com]

Oh cool, please do. :) The only perspective I've gotten on it is that of geek poly girls (mostly on the east coast), so it'd be fascinating to hear from the other side.

[garote]

Geek poly girls who are single, or geek poly girls who are currently in an open relationship and looking to add to it? I bet I can provide a pretty good guess of that perspective...

[justbeast.livejournal.com]

Both, I think?

[rudetuesday.livejournal.com]

Huh.

I wondered about this sort of thing. I know I've had the mismatch between online persona and real-life every now and again, with meetups for activities.

There's not really a way to vet anybody, though I think your idea for using the join date as filter is quite good. The signal to noise ratio's definitely a big factor.

Self-care is very important.