This is what comes from ice cream before bed.

[garote]

More specifically, a hectic work day, followed by a ten mile bike ride, followed by ice cream before bed.
After four good hours, I woke up in order to hear the Important Thoughts my brain was having:

The top 5 least popular euphemisms for getting high:

Investing in junk bonds
Spikin' your own punch
Canning asparagus
Smiting some unbelievers
Dusting yer crop

The top 5 least popular euphemisms for having sex:

Takin' the pope down off the wall
In a state of post hoc proctor hoc
Smooshing mosquitoes
Dorking without a license
Taking calls on the veranda

Then, about 20 minutes later, up from the roiling depths of my brain comes the title of a TV crime show. Followed quickly by the theme song for the show. Then, in bits and pieces, dialogue from the show.

Captain Freud and Professor Shade

THEME SONG:

The Captain gets what ever he wants
Professor shade -- solves the caper

Ohhh, the Captain gets what ever he wants
Professor shade -- he solves the caper

Fighting crime in the mari-time
Fighting crime in the mari-time
Fighting crime in the mari-tiiiiiime

SHADE AND FREEEEUUUUUUDDD
(cymbal crash)

"A whole half hour of doggerel verse?
Just shoot me, Shade; no fate is worse."
"Steady, captain, as you go.
Our contract's only for one show."

"You cannae miss 'im, captain Grisham.
He's sittin' by the door
Got an awful case of steroid face
but 'e surely knows the score."

"I thought about it forty winks.
The captin's right; this fellow stinks."
"Hyaar. And e's got a record, Shade.
Canned more times than I been laid."

"Stone me kippers and brush me kilt!
The poolboy just confessed his guilt."

That last bit has to have come from tangled memories of The Goon Show.
Anyway, this was all so bizarre I just had to hop out of bed and scribble it into the laptop.

Comments

[thegoodreverend.livejournal.com]

"Takin' the pope down off the wall" was coined by Beth and myself at that Italian restaurant (Ciao Bella?) up highway 9, sometime in 98 or 99. I'm surprised anyone else remembers it!

[garote]

Actually I thought your version of that was "puttin' the pope back up on the wall"?
(I first heard it from Ken)

[thegoodreverend.livejournal.com]

That may be true - and it might have been an unpopular euphemism for masturbation, not sex. Amazing the little things we remember! I wonder how many we don't...

[ex-zeugma416.livejournal.com]

The other day I encountered a euphemism for jerking off that had me seriously ROFLing: "wrestlin' the bald champ"

Something I will NEVER say in my life. :)

[garote]

Now if only every session ended with a noise like.. "DING!!!!"

Tech support

[conflictdswitch.livejournal.com]

Thank you again for the 'puter. I've encountered a few problems while using it. It has two accounts and I don't know the password to either one. And, for some reason, the DVD drive doesn't seem to be working. 8( Wanna come over some time and run some tech support?

Re: Tech support

[garote]

Tech support? No, not really :D

But hop on the iChats and and mebbe I can talk you through some of it.

[karanis.livejournal.com]

THE Braindead Monkeys indeed.  It's been a while since I've listened to anything by them, however... or logged into OKCupid, for that matter.