More fake movie listings
Oct. 1st, 2025 02:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
garoteA Few Good Men (2009). After a string of gory murders, the owners of Studio 54 are placed on trial for operating a secret sex dungeon in the basement of the nightclub, behind the regular sex dungeon in the basement of the nightclub. Meanwhile, a detective (Guy Pearce) finds evidence that the killer will strike again, and hires a former dominatrix (Helen Mirren) to get him 'in the right headspace' to solve the case. (R, 96 minutes, also NC-17 version at 110 minutes. Four out of five stars.)
The Hunger Games (2009). Young prison camp inmates compete to see who can make the most appealing food items out of dirt. They are discovered by the warden (Bruce Dern), who arranges a multi-prison musical bake-off, during which they plot a daring escape. (93 minutes, PG-13. Two out of five stars.)
8 Mile Island (2011). A rabbit farmer named Rabbit, living in an illegal bunker deep in the exclusion zone around Pripyat, opens a petting zoo. KGB agents arrive to shut it down, and discover that the rabbits can freestyle rap. The farmer avoids prison by training the animals to produce propaganda. 'Rabbit's Rabid Rapping Radioactive Red Rabbit Revue' becomes famous throughout the USSR, and when the Soviet Union collapses, they begin a von-Trapp-family-style secret exodus from Ukraine into Belarus to avoid slaughter, hopping through forests and hiding in basements. (PG-13, some scenes of animals in peril, 105 minutes. Three out of five stars.)
Smile (2003). While brushing his teeth one night, a young boy comes up with an idea for a new toothpaste flavor. He and his friends sell jars of toothpaste out of the family garage, prompting lawsuits from big corporations. The "Toothpaste Kid" is elected major, then runs for president. As the election results are being announced, it is revealed that the boy is actually in a coma triggered by hitting his head on the sink in the opening scene of the film, and everything else was a hallucination. (79 minutes, PG-13, zero stars.)
Twilight (1988). A high school student (Martha Plimpton) is cursed by a homeless man (Pete Murphy) after hitting him with her truck, and begins to transform into either a werewolf or a vampire any time she hears the phrase 'like, oh my god'. Most of the student body is drained or eviscerated before her father (Christopher Walken) performs a ceremony to lift the curse. (85 minutes, R. Three out of five stars.)
Note: Spawned a whole series of Twilight sequels, where the curse moved to a procession of wacky victims: The high school principal, a sex therapist, a pilot on a mission to Mars, and finally, a squirrel. Decades later, fans continue to debate over whether it was more fun to watch the staff of an auto shop be terrorized by a werewolf vampire squirrel, or watch a werewolf vampire sex therapist try to do her job.
(The last episode.)
The Hunger Games (2009). Young prison camp inmates compete to see who can make the most appealing food items out of dirt. They are discovered by the warden (Bruce Dern), who arranges a multi-prison musical bake-off, during which they plot a daring escape. (93 minutes, PG-13. Two out of five stars.)
8 Mile Island (2011). A rabbit farmer named Rabbit, living in an illegal bunker deep in the exclusion zone around Pripyat, opens a petting zoo. KGB agents arrive to shut it down, and discover that the rabbits can freestyle rap. The farmer avoids prison by training the animals to produce propaganda. 'Rabbit's Rabid Rapping Radioactive Red Rabbit Revue' becomes famous throughout the USSR, and when the Soviet Union collapses, they begin a von-Trapp-family-style secret exodus from Ukraine into Belarus to avoid slaughter, hopping through forests and hiding in basements. (PG-13, some scenes of animals in peril, 105 minutes. Three out of five stars.)
Smile (2003). While brushing his teeth one night, a young boy comes up with an idea for a new toothpaste flavor. He and his friends sell jars of toothpaste out of the family garage, prompting lawsuits from big corporations. The "Toothpaste Kid" is elected major, then runs for president. As the election results are being announced, it is revealed that the boy is actually in a coma triggered by hitting his head on the sink in the opening scene of the film, and everything else was a hallucination. (79 minutes, PG-13, zero stars.)
Twilight (1988). A high school student (Martha Plimpton) is cursed by a homeless man (Pete Murphy) after hitting him with her truck, and begins to transform into either a werewolf or a vampire any time she hears the phrase 'like, oh my god'. Most of the student body is drained or eviscerated before her father (Christopher Walken) performs a ceremony to lift the curse. (85 minutes, R. Three out of five stars.)
Note: Spawned a whole series of Twilight sequels, where the curse moved to a procession of wacky victims: The high school principal, a sex therapist, a pilot on a mission to Mars, and finally, a squirrel. Decades later, fans continue to debate over whether it was more fun to watch the staff of an auto shop be terrorized by a werewolf vampire squirrel, or watch a werewolf vampire sex therapist try to do her job.
(The last episode.)
