Ah ha!

Another LJ user recently posted a link to this, and in reading it, I discovered a statement that I like:

• "Responsible" does NOT mean invalidating a partner who has been hurt by your actions as if somehow the very fact that they have expressed any pain is an unreasonable infringement on your "rights".

This is exactly what an ex-who-will-remain-nameless did to me, every time I confronted her about something she was doing that I didn't like or hadn't expected.

I'm glad to see it spelled out in such bold and certain language.