From 12 years ago:

[garote]

More and more often these days I've been comparing things to bricks, or thinking about throwing bricks, to express my opinion of them. I think I'm turning dadaist.

"Pepsi, the choice of a new generation." Yeah right. More like, "Pepsi: A brick." "Sega: Welcome to the next level." No no, it's, "Sega: Have another big red brick." "Nike: Just Do It." "Just throw a brick at it." You wouldn't strike a woman with a child, would you? No. I'd use a brick! Would you hit a man with glasses? No, I'd hit him with a brick!! Brick brick brick!!

Every product is the same damn thing! See them for what they are. Hard, square, and monochrome. Go to McBricks and eat some Chicken McBricks. Buy the latest album from The Brick. This rant is subtle and nuanced, like a BRICK. Buy our shoes, because you're sweaty and jockular, and that makes you hip and smart, just like this brick. DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN.

Mmm, think of it. The flat edges are warm in your hand. It's powdered with rock dust so you can grip it real nice. It's angry dissent in ageless material form. It doesn't fizz, beep, flash, or taste good, and you can't put it on. And you really don't need it. So throw it at something instead. There's no reason you should even pick it back up after you throw it.