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Written a little while ago
This is my first day as an ex-employee of Apple. I still feel a strange mix of fear, elation, hope, and dread. I think this transition needed to happen at least six months ago, but I was too stubborn to let it.
I spent far too much of my work time, too many of the corporation's hours, lost in a fog inside my own head, searching for my enthusiasm in a hollowed out space. In retrospect the days all smear together into one endless afternoon, sitting in an office filled with cold indirect sunlight, exhausted and sick from the shuttle ride, staring through a computer screen. My mind needed to be in one single shape - the shape for writing code - but it was writhing around inside my skull, desperate to think of other things.
Now my life contains a feeling of freedom that I am still only barely able to grasp. I could do anything. And I have so much time, finally, finally, to explore with.
What am I going to do? I can live for a very long time with the savings I've accumulated, if i'm careful. Will I go back to college and get a teaching credential and a Science degree? Will I start a small business leading bike tours? Become a tutor? Get a part-time gig raking leaves just for the exercise?
Will I do the grand thing I was pining for all those days in the purgatory of my office, and ride my bicycle around the whole damn world? Will I just sit in the sun, in my back yard, with the cat rollin' around in the gravel, reading book after book, for a month? I remember reading for pleasure ... that seems like such a gigantic indulgence now...
Oh the things I could do...! I need ideas, I need conversations, I need anything that isn't Perl and Python and SQL and finicky stylesheet manipulations.
I spent far too much of my work time, too many of the corporation's hours, lost in a fog inside my own head, searching for my enthusiasm in a hollowed out space. In retrospect the days all smear together into one endless afternoon, sitting in an office filled with cold indirect sunlight, exhausted and sick from the shuttle ride, staring through a computer screen. My mind needed to be in one single shape - the shape for writing code - but it was writhing around inside my skull, desperate to think of other things.
Now my life contains a feeling of freedom that I am still only barely able to grasp. I could do anything. And I have so much time, finally, finally, to explore with.
What am I going to do? I can live for a very long time with the savings I've accumulated, if i'm careful. Will I go back to college and get a teaching credential and a Science degree? Will I start a small business leading bike tours? Become a tutor? Get a part-time gig raking leaves just for the exercise?
Will I do the grand thing I was pining for all those days in the purgatory of my office, and ride my bicycle around the whole damn world? Will I just sit in the sun, in my back yard, with the cat rollin' around in the gravel, reading book after book, for a month? I remember reading for pleasure ... that seems like such a gigantic indulgence now...
Oh the things I could do...! I need ideas, I need conversations, I need anything that isn't Perl and Python and SQL and finicky stylesheet manipulations.
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