May. 12th, 2017

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The Sword In The Stone: Sir Arthur Pendragon accidentally consumes too many edibles, and walks off the parapet at Camelot, believing he can fly. A young stablehand is maimed in the ensuing carnage. His mother vows revenge, and assassinates the Knights Of The Round Table one by one, via poison, forgery, and a series of appalling traps, until Merlin confronts her. (TV14+, 120 minutes)

Three out of five stars.

The Secret Of Nimh: A streetwise rat (Marlon Brando) confronts his circus-freak past, with help from the crime lord (Don Rickles) he was ordered to kill. Meanwhile, an officer from Health And Human Services (Jude Law) and a naïve young mouse (Chloe Moretz) fight in court to shut the circus down for excessive "butt-play". Directed by Tim Burton.

One out of five stars.

Flight Of The Navigator: A troubled teen sneaks inside gigantic EZ-bake oven and gets accosted by the lamp. Caged in with his own stink and hormones for a week, he hallucinates an epic journey. His parents find him in a cow pasture 300 miles away.

Two out of five stars.

Grease 3: A ragtag cluster of disgusting, musically-inclined perverts breaks into a theatre while a show is in progress, and holds the audience hostage. The cast of the show challenges them to a dance-off for their freedom. Starring Al Pacino, Harry Shearer, Kate Bosworth, and Common. (R, 80 minutes)

Zero stars.

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